When I meet with a couple and learn there is a child(ren) from a previous relationship, I want to know will the child(ren) attend and would the couple like the child(ren) to have a roll. I'm also cautious of the readings I select or use of information I gather from the couple because I never want a child to hear something that may negatively impact her/him and/or the biological parent not in attendance. Last spring I had the pleasure of working with a couple that decided to marry. The groom and bride have children from previous marriages. The groom said the bride is "the gal he's been looking for his whole life." A beautiful sentiment, but I wasn't going to quote him for fear of hurting his children.
Sometimes life deals us a severe blow and we are totally lost. Earlier this summer, a bride-to-be carried her baby full term and then the baby passed. And the groom-to-be left. Katie from A Hundred Weddings is lost one night. While on the phone with an ex-boyfriend, he says, "where are you?" and she responds, "the end of the road, literally." "Huh," he said. "No place to go but back." Sometimes we have to re-live the excruciating pain over and over again, before we can go back. This woman lost everything she valued and wanted at the same time. I pray for her, the soul of her baby and for him. They are in tremendous pain that only our Lord can heal.
Katie saw her cousin crying at the altar and couldn't understand why. Getting married is a happy time, but her cousin didn't look happy. Ten years later she asked her cousin, "...why did you cry?" Valerie responded, "...well, I think it was just overwhelming for me. I was only nineteen, you know." Katie pushes, "...but were you happy?" And Valerie says, "Oh honey, it was the happiest day of my life." I take the time to explain happy tears if there are children present because they only know to associate tears with sadness/pain. Again, it's crucial to be attuned to your audience.
Putting together a wedding script for any couple is always a welcomed challenge. Did I hear the couple correctly? Am I capturing their sensibilities? Once I had a bride who shared she's all butterflies and unicorns so I sent her draft scripts based on self declared sensibility. She quickly let me know that is a side she doesn't show the public!
If you are attending a wedding later this year, really listen to the words spoken by the officiant. Were the words spoken respectful of the bride and groom and those in attendance?
Wishing you happiness,
Leora
