The Joy and Anticipation of Getting to the Altar

Photo credit Danielle Real Photography

Throughout my 30 year career, I’ve witnessed many approaches that couples take in order to help ease the nervous energy as they get to the altar.  Often couples will voluntarily participate in a “first look.” A first look is where the couple sees each other before the start of their wedding ceremony. Although this may typically be staged by the photographer or event planner, the goal is to create an authentic and heartfelt moment before the couple walks down the aisle and greet their guests for the first time. When I married 11 years ago, we didn’t have a first look. In hindsight, I think the private moment would have allowed both of us an opportunity to chat briefly about what awaited us, exchange compliments, and quiet the butterflies! 

Regardless of whether I see the couple sometimes together, sometimes separately before the ceremony, the moment I see a partner or the partners process up the aisle, I have to catch my breath. The moment is so real and so full of anticipation. This past weekend, I had a unique and beautiful moment with a groom. 

I arrived at the venue at 4:15 and saw the groom outside chatting with a guest. We greeted each other and he then took me inside so I could meet his best man, his oldest brother. At the same time, I met his soon-to-be stepsons. The groom was excited and anticipated the wedding starting on time, 5:00 p.m. However, there were several unexpected issues that delayed the start of the ceremony which included late arriving guests, a bridesmaid feeling ill, and a very nervous groom. Maybe it was nervous energy, but the groom was overcome by emotions. His parents, the bride’s mother, and a groomsman all took a few moments to speak with him before the start of the processional. 

It was finally time for the wedding to start and for everyone to get into position.  I had the pleasure and honor of walking down the aisle with the groom. I tried to interject levity and thankfully, he seemed to be okay with my chatter. I told him he was a Rockstar and urged him to smile at his “fans!” As the bridal party processed, I asked him if he was aware that his baseball team had lost the night before to the worst team in the American League. Again, I was attempting to ease his emotions. I think it worked. When his bride began walking toward him with her father, he smiled broadly. At the same time, I’m gently patting his back and whispering to him, “you got this!” Once the groom took his bride’s hand, calm came over him. It was magical for me to witness such an intimate moment between two people.  This is one of the reasons why I absolutely my work of being a wedding officiant.  I get to witness some of the most amazing moments - Thank you!

The bride and groom and their children participated in a unity ceremony. At the conclusion of the unity ceremony, I invited them to enjoy a group hug. I said to the guests, “this is love!” I believe the groom, bride, and the children appreciated that private moment in the presence of 200+ guests. 

What I’ve learned throughout the years is that although things may cause a delay in the set schedule, the key is to be flexible. Couples may be anxious, bridal party members may get ill, levity may occur.  But always remember the reason why everyone is gathered together and the ultimate goal of the event…your wedding day!  Just breathe, try your best to take it all in, and enjoy!

The Best Part of the Wedding Process for Me!

Recently, a bride-to-be asked me which part of the wedding process do I enjoy the most. Although I’ve been asked this before, I thought now is a good time to answer the question publicly!

A Person’s Best Friend

I most enjoy the initial meeting, when I’m asking the couple questions about them, such as how did you meet, how long have you been a couple, what do you most admire about your partner. In getting to know the couple, I also ask various other questions such are you pet owners. I’m a huge dog lover and if they are dog owners, we generally connect over our joint love for dogs. I’ve had four rescues in my adult life, two miniature poodles and two Maltese. 

In January 2021, I met a couple who opened their home to three rescues, but the rescue that captured my heart is Jerome. Jerome is a pit bull who was adopted from a pit bull rescue organization. Jerome is a “senior citizen,” happy and well-loved in his forever home. His mommies recognized he needs special loving as he lives out this season of his life. 

Then there’s Leonard. Leonard has anxiety issues. He seems to be okay one-on-one with the soon to be bride, but when the groom-to-be leaves, Leonard becomes anxious. Leonard was named after the beloved grandfather of the groom. The couple are dedicated to helping Leonard be less anxious when his male caregiver isn’t home.

For the Love of Cats 

                Patsy Cline

Please don’t think I don’t care for cats. I do! My mom was a lover of cats. After I left home in 1977 to pursue a master’s degree, my sister enlisted in the Army; and my brother married. Our mom decided it was too quiet so she rescued two kittens whom she named Rainbow and Harmony. The “girls” were followed by Pepper and then Patsy Cline.

I have the honor of standing with a couple this fall who are parents to two cats. And in June 2022, I will officiate a wedding for a couple with three cats. The soon to be groom, refers to the female as “daddy’s” girl. 

America’s Favorite Past Time

Baseball is another topic that allows me to connect with a couple. I recently meet with a couple marrying April 2022. One is an Orioles’ fan and the other is a Cubs fan. I’m loyal to the Washington Nationals, however, my husband and I have been to 17 of the 30 MLB parks. So I was able to able to talk with the Cubby about my experience at Wrigley Field and the other about Camden Yards. It’s always great fun to talk with couples about the game of baseball, the fan experience and the uniqueness of each ballpark. Aside from Nationals’ Park, PNC is awesome.

In May 2019, I experienced one of the biggest thrills of my tenure as a wedding officiant. I officiated a wedding in the Silver Slugger Suite at Nationals’ Park. The ceremony occurred before the first pitch. After the ceremony, I joined my husband at our regular seats and we watched the Nationals defeat the Cubs 5 – 2. What an exciting evening!

Compassion, A Necessary Trait

These past 14 months, I’ve been able to connect with my brides and grooms in the health care field. Although I’m not involved with the physical well-being of others, I am a mental health professional. I was able to reach out to my couples who planned to marry in 2020, but had to reschedule or cancel their wedding due to Covid-19. I stayed in touched via email to let them know I was thinking of them, grateful for their commitment and hopeful that we would be together soon at their rescheduled wedding celebration.

My sharing with you is just a sliver of what I experience about 50 times each year. Getting to know couples informally so when their formal celebration rolls around, they each know I appreciate their humanness! 

 

 

THE BUZZ OF CICADAS AT YOUR OUTDOOR WEDDING

MAY 5, 2021

Cicada, A 17-Year Phenomena

Photo courtesy of @santaanaweddings

When I think about outdoor weddings, I think about several factors that can impact the ceremony. Noise from traffic, airplanes flying overhead, an unhappy guest (usually under the age of 5) and the general laughter from the guests. This summer I may have to contend with the noise of the billions of cicadas expected to descend on the Washington, D.C. metropolitan area. The phenomenon happens once every 17 years. Cicadas are alive underground eating tree roots for sustenance. As the ground warms up and reaches 64 degrees, the bugs begin emerging in mass. “The District, Maryland and Virginia are likely to host more of these animals than any other of the 14 states that share the experience.” The wildlife will begin its eating frenzy. Birds, squirrels, chipmunks, skunks, ants, raccoons, snakes, frogs and possums will over indulge on cicadas. Be aware when you are walking your dog, your furry friend may try to consume a cicada or two.

Preparation for Cicadas?

So how do you prepare for your outdoor wedding knowing that possibly millions of these uninvited guests will crash your celebration? Unfortunately, you can’t avoid them.  But, there are a few things you can do. Here are 4 suggestions to make it easier to deal with these unwanted guests:

• Be prepared for the noise.  Hopefully, your DJ will adjust the volume of the music to try and drum out the buzz.
• Make sure your wedding officiant is wearing a mic to help with projection. If you can, have mics for you and your partner as well.
• Rather than stand on the ground, lay an ornate area rug or throw on the ground for you and your partner to stand-on during the ceremony.
• Ask the venue coordinator if someone can canvass the area maybe 15 minutes prior to the start of your wedding ceremony to sweep away any cicadas or the remnants of cicadas from the immediate area where the guests and bride party will congregate.

I think we can all agree that cicadas can be a distraction during your ceremony. Luckily, they are harmless.  Personally, I will be more focused on mosquitoes at dusk aiming for whatever exposed body part they can bite. I still remember years ago being in tears after I being attacked by mosquitoes. Thankfully, once I returned to my car, I was able to take an antihistamine to calm the itching. Definitely not a fun experience!

Bottom Line

Remember to focus on the reality you are marrying the person who complements you, the person you plan to spend the rest of your life with. Think that in addition to all the wedding related memories, on your 17th, 34th, 51st and so on anniversaries, you will be joined by a generation of cicadas whose ancestors witnessed your “I do” the summer of 2021!

A LITTLE HISTORY ABOUT WEDDING RINGS!

 

The History

By now you know the name of my business is “With This Ring, I Thee Wedd Ceremonies.” When I started my business 29 years ago, I thought those words were so romantic. And I still view them the same way, however, it’s a long business name with one-word intentionally misspelled. I’ve learned over the years from my couples, they don’t always want to exchange rings at that moment. Also, maybe because of their career, a ring isn’t always appropriate. In Western culture, a wedding ring can be traced to ancient Rome and Greece.

Many couples choose to wear their wedding band on their left hand, fourth finger, typically known as the “ring” finger. Often a bride/groom will move their engagement ring to their right hand prior to the ceremony and afterwards, moves their engagement ring back to the left hand, ring finger. Why? Tradition says there’s a vein that runs directly from the ring finger to the heart although science doesn’t support this claim. It’s a purely sentimental tradition to wear the wedding band closer to the heart.

My Thoughts Regarding My Wedding Rings!

Photo courtesy of Lynn Dunston

On a personal note, I asked my husband for an anniversary band one Christmas. I thought when we traveled, I would wear that ring and leave my engagement ring and wedding bands home. [Yes bands, I wear my mom’s gold wedding bands. I’m terribly sentimental. Floyd wears my stepfather’s band.]

Floyd’s initial comment after my request was, “Leora, whether you wear a ring or not, you are still married.” I gave him a look that said, “really!” Needless to say, Floyd exceeded my expectations and gifted me a beautiful anniversary band. I wear it all the time!

I have reflected many times on what Floyd said about a wedding band. A ring doesn’t define my marital status, I do. When I respect the relationship we share, when I read articles to enhance our relationship and share with him what I learned, and when I’m present for Floyd, I’m demonstrating I’m married and committed to the success of our relationship. The ring may say to the world, I love and am loved, but I bet the average stranger could care less about my marital status, they have more important things to focus on.

Sometimes I refer to this passage because it's not about wear a ring, it's about acting a way that respects my marriage, Floyd and me: “Put on then…beloved, compassion, kindness, lowliness, meekness, and patience, forbearing one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other...and above all these put-on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

My Challenge to You

I invite you to think about what your ring(s) means to you. What do you do daily to express to your partner you are committed for life to the success of your relationship? Yes, I mean daily. You are mistaken if you don’t think your relationship requires your attention daily. Make a gesture daily to reaffirm your vows and affirm your partner. Don’t wait for your anniversary to celebrate each other and your relationship. You, your partner and your marriage are worthy of daily celebrations!

 

 AMAZING OUTDOOR VENUES FOR MINI-WEDDINGS IN THE DMV AREA

APRIL 12, 2021

CONSIDER AN OUTDOOR SPRING OR SUMMER MINI-WEDDING IN DC., MARYLAND, OR VIRGINIA

Happy Spring! Warmer temperatures, blooming trees, shrubs, perennials and annuals are calling many of us to the great outdoors. We are walking, biking, and going from point A to point B on a scooter or skateboard. We are sitting on the grass, with and without a blanket or on the steps on famous and infamous buildings taking in the beauty of the DMV (District of Columbia, Maryland and Virginia). The pandemic is keeping all of us closer to home which is allowing us to explore our neighborhoods and others’ neighborhoods. 

Photo credit: www.michellejonesphoto.com

This calendar year I’ve asked couples to meet me outdoors at local parks for their mini-wedding ceremony. During the pandemic, although I prefer officiating wedding outdoors for safety reasons, I have taken steps at indoor ceremonies to protect the couple and me such as standing at least 6 feet apart and opening windows when possible. Of the 40+ mini-ceremonies I had the privilege of officiating the first quarter of 2021, less than 10% were conducted indoors. My couples are quite flexible which makes me appreciate them so much.

Photo credit: www.michellejonesphoto.com

OUTDOOR VENUES IN OLD TOWN ALEXANDRIA AND THE POTOMAC

In the Old Town Alexandria area, you could find me officiating an intimate wedding ceremony at the public gardens at The Carlyle House Historic Park. What a hidden gem! I also met couples at the Alexandria Waterfront Park which is always alive with people, children and dogs. Jones Point Park offers scenic views of the Potomac River along with MGM National Harbor Resort and Casino; National Harbor; the Ferris Wheel; and a replica of Air Force One. There is so much to Jones Point Park to explore. The Woodrow Wilson Bridge spans part of the park and the arches of the bridge offer spectacular opportunities for amateur and professional photographers. There’s also a lighthouse in the park which is surrounded by flowering trees, perfect for wedding photos.

Another favorite is Green Spring Farm Park in Fairfax County. The Park has two gazebos with totally different vibes that are available for rent. The various gardens are colorful havens and great for wedding photos.

OUTDOOR VENUES AND PARKS IN THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA

In the District of Columbia, the Tidal Basin, D.C. War Memorial, the monuments, Meridian Park, Hains Point, The Spanish Steps, Rawlins Park and Bartholdi are great choices. Something is always blooming at these parks. Remember beautiful Crepe Myrtles bloom June through September and are just as pretty as Dogwoods and Cherry Trees! 

So, if you are looking for atmosphere, vibrant colors, conversation starters, art works, maybe shelter from them elements for a small, intimate wedding, check out the parks in your neighborhood. You also have the opportunity to “pay it forward” by making a donation to the park!

No Ceremony, Just Make It Legal!

 Several times a month, I will receive a call or email message from a couple interested in fulfilling the legal requirement to be married with the qualifier, no ceremony! Ceremony is defined as "a formal act or set of formal acts established by custom or authority as proper to a special occasion, such as a wedding, religious rite, etc." I cannot sign a marriage license without gaining the consent of the individuals involved. At a minimum, I have to ask, "do you take this person to be your legally wedded spouse?" If you have a celebration planned for a later date that includes family and friends, please note that the date your marriage license is signed by an individual who has local authority to sign a marriage license is the date the court views as the date you were married. You may have a celebratory event at a later time and you may recognize that date as your "anniversary," but the date on your marriage license is the date you were legally married. So why not make it special and memorable? It doesn't take away from the celebratory event planned for another day.

I suggest you use standard traditional vows for the legal ceremony knowing that you can expand the traditional vows for your celebratory event by adding personal pledges. For example, the tradition vows are: "I, [name] take you, [name] to be my lawfully wedded spouse. I promise to love and cherish you, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, for better for worse, and forsaking all others, keep myself only unto you, for so long as we both shall live." For the celebratory gathering, you could add, "During our marriage, I promise to help you when you ask for help and ask you to help me when I ask for help." 

Also, do you know the law doesn't require the exchange of rings? That particular gesture traces back to ancient Egyptians who reportedly exchanged wedding rings dating back to 4000 BC. The wedding ring is a circle symbolizing the never-ending union of marriage. So if you would rather save the ring exchange for the event that includes family and friends, please do so. 

Before I sign the license, I pronounce you legally wed and invite you to share a kiss to seal your promises! You participated in a brief ceremony and now you are ready to begin you happily ever after!

Love Prevails During a Pandemic

Hello!

The during the first two months of 2020, love was alive and well! I officiated 16 weddings during that period. This includes a variety of elopements, formal and informal ceremonies with guests in attendance and license signings. One signing occurred at a restaurant while the couple was enjoying lunch although they stopped eating long enough to say, "I do!" This highlights you can be as non-traditional as you want to be. Oh, I had two couples marry on February 29, Leap Day!

I took a break and didn't work the month of March. Instead I got organized and worked on draft ceremony scripts for couples planning to marry later in the year. 

My first wedding impacted by Covid-19 was scheduled for March 29, 2020. Then many of my April weddings either rescheduled for late 2020 or postponed until 2021. This was true for much of the rest of the year. Some weddings moved forward, but redesigned. This pattern continued through October. I'm happy to report the couple scheduled to marry March 29 married November 8, 2020 in the presence of a downsized gathering of family and friends.

Although Covid-19 dictated the size of weddings, it didn't stop couples from marrying. I'm grateful to all the couples I had the privilege of meeting and standing with on their wedding day!

One of the highlights of the 2020 wedding season was officiating at venues new to me. I was at Lars Anderson House, a Gilded Age mansion located in NW, DC; The Mansion at Strathmore located in North Bethesda; Fathom Gallery, an intimate space with a lovely rooftop garden in NW, DC; Bartholdi Park, SW; The Spy Museum; The Barn at Pleasant Acres, St. Leonard, Maryland; MGM atrium, National Harbor, Maryland; and The Conrad Hotel, NW, DC. 

Another highlight was the magical, intimate vibe so many of these weddings emitted. The floral designs and colors were bright, vibrant, rich and stunning. Add to the beautiful flowers draping, arches, arbors, hanging tealights, and potted plants and the romantic feel became real. Also, many times there were more vendors in attendance then guests. We got an opportunity to interact more closely and learn more about each other's craft. 

Many venues took the temperature of all attendees or a family member was assigned this duty. Hand sanitizer was everywhere and often times the guests and vendors wore a mask. 

Love survived in 2020! Many, many couples realized they wanted to be together during this unprecedented time. So they postponed the big party and the adventurous honeymoon. They surrounded themselves with the people who love them the most and they love. Thankfully there were various mediums like Facebook, FaceTime, live streaming and Zoom that allowed people who couldn't physically attend still celebrate and champion the couple's wedding festivities.

I move into the 2021 wedding season hopeful because I know love prevails!

Leora